College student, Jennifer Collins investigates the unethical columnist who has been virtually stalking her and her family. (Part I)
I respect the opinion of so many of you who advised me to just ‘try to forget’ about the lies printed about me and my family. I know some of you think that I should not challenge the opinionated Glenn Sacks no matter how wrong he is. However what Glenn Sacks is doing to abused children is immoral, unethical and even dangerous. The one thing that everyone forgets is that my father was even worse than Glenn Sacks is and someone has to stand up to these abusive men.
My mom says that I must be doing something right because Glenn Sacks is spending a lot of time inserting my name all too often into his random articles to gain attention and to illustrate whatever biased and prejudicial opinion HE comes up with next. This is particularly offensive to me because I detest his actions, explanations and what he stands for: covering up child abuse in the name of fathers’ rights. Although my brother has personally asked Mr. Sacks to keep him out of his publicity stunts, Mr. Sacks refuses to give him this respect and courtesy. We all know that Glenn Sacks hates mothers and women but why won't he even respect a young man's desire for privacy? Probably because my brother loves his mother, something Mr. Sacks seems to find particularly offensive, loathsome and despicable.
I can't help but wonder what Mr. Sacks' mother did to him to make him hate women so much! Was little Glenn abused by his own mother when he was a child or is he angry with her for not protecting him against an abusive father? Is the current Mrs. Glenn Sacks also a victim of her husband’s hatred for women? What about the Sacks children - what about that poor little girl, his daughter or his oldest boy who has had (publicized, thanks to his father) behavioral issues since he was 6 years-old? Doesn’t anyone wonder what is going on behind the doors at the Sacks residence?
Both photos of Glenn Sacks and his kids that I found on internet struck me as odd: in both photos he is grasping onto his kids like they're his belongings. Perhaps I'm just sensitive to such nuances since I was abused by my father and Mr. Sacks has aligned with my abuser. Perhaps the beatings I received have caused me to be particularly prone to the warning signs of abuse. You know that American saying “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck then it probably is a duck”? It seems to me that Glenn Sacks behaves like an abuser and talks like an abuser so wouldn't it stand to reason that he probably is an abuser? I can certainly testify to the fact that he has shown abusive tendencies towards me and the other women and children he attacks without provocation. If he is on his best behavior in public, what in the world must he be doing to his poor wife at home? What can Mrs. Sacks do if Mr. Sacks is beating her and her children? She must be very well aware that the courts are biased against women and with a husband like hers; she probably fears that she wouldn’t have a fair chance at all. I sincerely feel bad for her and her children!
Since Mr. Sacks decided to research, critique and then invent false stories about me and my family, I felt it was only fair to research him and his family which revealed that he is an opportunistic leader of abusive men. The more I dug into Glenn Sacks' past, the way he dug into mine, the more disturbing I found him to be! The difference is that I didn’t have to lie and create false stories as Glenn Sacks has done. His words alone are enough to demonstrate just how despicable and frightening he really is.
In his article “Why Males Don't Go to College” Mr. Sacks makes up excuses about why he dropped out of college: “there is another, unacknowledged reason why some males don't go to college—rampant anti-male feminism has made college campuses a place where many males feel unwanted and unwelcome"1 I asked my brother and several male friends at university what they thought about this concept and they all strongly disagreed. One guy even commented that university campuses are “owned by us” (meaning men.)
Mr. Sacks claims that “Feminists have wildly exaggerated the extent of sexual assaults on college campuses and used it as a political weapon against men.”2 and that “Deliberate misinformation about men and gender issues are an integral part of modern campus culture. Women's centers and women's studies departments publicize and promote discredited academic frauds like ‘one in four college women has been the victim of rape or attempted rape" and "domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women aged 15 to 44.’” 3 In the same article Glenn Sacks conveniently blames anonymous scholars for his controversial opinion “Some academicians contend that the ascendancy of women’s studies on campus was a mistake.”
"Around the world at least 1 in 3 women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family."4 Why does Glenn Sacks finds these statistics intimidating? Is that because he knew he was guilty of forcing himself on women and it was only a matter of time until he was reported? Glenn Sacks appears to be guilty himself when he states “such statistics were repeated ad infinitum and ad nauseam by the campus newspaper, the Daily Bruin, and also by both professors and students. The message behind the lies was clear—men are so powerful and despicable, and women are so helpless and victimized, that men had better not dare to complain about anything."5 As a college student I can emphatically state THAT is absolutely not the message we receive at university. We are just warned about the dangers of rape, violence, alcohol abuse, drug use and even slippery sidewalks in the winter, etc… I find it absolutely deplorable that Glenn Sacks would even try to minimize the devastating toll of rape!
Sacks: “I did sometimes protest in Ms. Smith's class and others, but a 6'2" male confronting a female educator about her bigotry, however politely, is quickly perceived as a sexist bully.”6 Whose perception was that exactly? Chances are if we located Mrs. Smith and the others, they would remember Glenn Sacks as just another student in the audience asserting his naive beliefs (if they remembered him at all) OR they may very well remember him as a sexist bully. In psychology there's something called “projection” which is clearly applicable here. When one person is criticized for their unethical behavior (such as Glenn Sacks) he simply accuses other people of that same behavior or he plays the victim, cries fowl and expresses surprise and disbelief that someone called him on that very same bad behavior. This is nothing more than an attempt to rile up other people to come to his defense. This is the recurrent theme with Glenn Sacks: combating the stereotypes that; All Men are sexist, All Men are stupid, All Men are abusers and All Men are rapists. Perhaps Glenn Sacks is just trying to ensure that his name is not the substitute for “All Men”. I think Projection makes more sense then Mr. Sacks' presumption that Mrs. Smith and others would find him to be a sexist bully just for "politely confronting" a female educator.
Employment (Or lack thereof)
Several years ago Glenn Sacks chose to pursue an honorable profession in education as a teacher but apparently thought that the paperwork affiliated with this position was beneath him. “Another problem is that teachers are weighed down by paperwork and secretarial labor.” 7 Glenn Sacks complained that he had to work too hard and didn’t have enough time to sit around with his kids. Even though he probably had the most ideal working hours and situation for a parent to spend time with his own children, he quit his job to become that which he has the biggest problem with: being a stay at home mom (I mean dad) and financially dependent house-husband.
Can you believe that Mr. Sacks complained that he had to grade his own papers? “I'm not a teacher anymore because I wanted to spend time in the evenings and on weekends with my children, instead of doing clerical work like entering grades and marking homework…. Give teachers secretaries. College professors have teacher assistants. A lawyer, a doctor, or an accountant has a secretary. If I've graded 150 assignments, why can't somebody else enter them into the grade book and add up the grades? If they're simple assignments, why can't someone else grade them? Why can't somebody help me make copies or do basic research?” 8 I just can’t believe how lazy this guy is.
Glenn Sacks quit his job and admits that he “turned down job opportunities, closed my side business and took on the traditional female role of homemaker.”9 He forced his wife to solely provide financially for the family. “I became a SAHD (stay at home dad) with the birth of my daughter four years ago, and the arrangement has benefited my family immensely.”10 WHO is saying his family has benefited "immensely"? This sounds like self-reporting, boasting and bragging to me.
It is admirable that the Sacks family has spared their children from the unthinkable fate of childcare, something that single mothers are forced to do when the fathers of their unborn children abandon them once they learn of the pregnancy: “Being at home with my young children has been the greatest experience of my life. Many stay-at-home mothers I know feel the same way. I feel sorry for my male breadwinner friends who miss out on so many of the joys of raising children.”11
Why is he only sorry for his “male breadwinner friends”? Why isn’t he sorry for his own female wife? She is also missing out on spending time with her children! Sacks continued: “I have no desire to return to the demanding work schedule that most working fathers endure.”12 Why hasn’t he returned to work yet? His children are older now. His son is just about to graduate from high school. How long is he going to milk off of his wife?
Sacks: “The average American father works 51 hours a week. While nearly half of American mothers with children under the age of six do not work full time, even those who do average only a 41 hour work week.”13 What the heck is he belly-aching about? Glenn Sacks didn’t work at all while his wife worked full-time and even attended university in the evening! You would think that maybe Mr. Sacks could have gotten a job to help take the pressure off his wife while she was working full-time and attending law school so that she too could be a part of her children's lives.
Glenn Sacks son is born in 1992. “I remember days when I'd work until 10 and come home and carry my sleeping son around the house on my shoulder because I missed him so much and I realize how lucky I am.”14 Already you see how Mr. Sacks places his wants and needs over his infant son's; he would disturb a sleeping baby because HE missed him, not because the child needed this.
Although Glenn Sacks tries to portray himself as a great dad, and some of his actions are acceptable, I was struck by the size of his ego and volume of his narcissism: “One day I was so disheartened over the situation that I walked off my job, pulled my son out of his kindergarten class, took him to the toy store, bought him a race car set, and spent the rest of the day playing with him.”15 Again impulsive Glenn doing what is good for Glenn, not necessarily his son or the family he's responsible for. He couldn't wait until his son finished school to take him to the toy store? He “HAD” to disrupt his young son's schedule to accommodate his own selfish needs?
Glenn Sacks daughter was born in 1999. Glenn Sacks quit his job and became a house-husband. I wonder how much say his wife really had in all of this.
As a teacher Glenn Sacks had the luxury of picking up his son from school every day, but even then poor pathetic Glenn complained that grading papers was beneath him so he quit his job. There is obviously something wrong with Glenn Sacks parenting if his 6 year old son was already labeled as a “bad kid” at school.
“I wait for my son as he stands in line after school to get his daily behavior report. The first grade students are fidgety in the line, which is probably why they are the "bad kids" who need the behavior reports to begin with.”16 Of course Mr. Sacks makes up all sorts of excuses: “All 10 of these children have one thing in common--they're all boys.”17 When such young children are so unruly it is usually the parents to blame! Since Glenn Sacks has said himself that he was solely responsible for making sure things were done "his way" it is quite obvious that he should also bare the burden for his child's behavioral problems.
The role of father and breadwinner that men have prided themselves upon and ascribed to for centuries just wasn't good enough for Mr. Sacks who bitterly complained about fatherhood in the traditional sense: “My fatherhood was the hollow, joyless fatherhood many men endure – all the burdens of supporting children drained all of the pleasure of actually being with them.”18 In the same article Glenn Sacks rationalizes himself by explaining that working “deprives fathers of valuable time with their children.” However Glenn Sacks has no problem depriving his own wife of the same valuable time with her children!
“At times it seemed the only interaction I had with my son was disciplining him, the one parenting job which has not so generously always been reserved for fathers.”19 It is obvious that there was something wrong with Mr. Sacks' expectations and perceptions in his role as dad if the only time he had for his son was disciplining him! No wonder his poor son was experiencing so many problems at school; the only person his little boy had to rely on was his father because Mr. Sacks had effectively eliminated his mother from the boy's daily life! He took advantage of his wife’s intelligence, hard work and ambition by turning her into his personal cash cow while depriving her of meaningful moments with her children. So Mr. Sacks decided to take over his wife's role as a house wife, yet to this day he belittles the very role he claims to be so proud of - how exactly does that work Mr. Sacks?
“Every day as I pick my son up from school I hope for a good behavior report that can be celebrated with ice cream or a trip to the park. More often I face what I call the ‘boy parent dilemma’--when my son is ‘bad’ do I punish him because he can't fit into a structure that clearly isn't suited to little boys? Or do I withhold punishment or censure and in so doing undercut the teacher's authority?”20
Psychologists have recently looked at the long-term damage parents have created by getting into the bad habit of "praising the mundane" and rewarding normally EXPECTED behavior in their children. "Celebrating" something that should be a given (good behavior in school) is not good parenting - it predisposes the child to think that he should be rewarded not for excellence, heroism or for being virtuous but for being mediocre. If the structure Mr. Sacks is referring to here is the law or society, wow, are we in trouble! If an authority figure has witnessed, evidenced, experienced or found inappropriate or unacceptable conduct beyond a shadow of a doubt, we'd better hope that punishment is carried out as a result: it's called the criminal justice system folks! So Mr. Sacks has to question whether he and his son are accountable to such a structure.
Thankfully, Mr. Sacks did the right thing: “I've agonized over this question again and again, but I always decide that it is my duty to support the teacher. But I'll never forget the sadness of my little son in the back seat after school because I scolded him for his bad behavior report. Why did I scold him? Because I simply couldn't think of anything else to do.”21
Scolding his son for "being bad" (but more accurately behaving badly) is the most appropriate thing I've seen Mr. Sacks do yet! Murderers being hauled off to jail to carry out their life sentences look pretty sad in the back seat of the police car too when they've been scolded by the judge for taking a life. Then again, Mr. Sacks undoes any positive gain he's made by excusing his son's poor behavior and evading any responsibility for his shortcomings as a parent. For this he blames society: “My little boy has had problems in school, in large part because he is a little boy.”22 No – that is not the problem. It actually appears that this kid had so much trouble because his father was such a dominating bully. That must be very difficult for a young boy to deal with.
Power And Control
What I find most frightening is the revelation of what motivated Glenn Sacks to become a house-husband and it's the most convincing evidence that I found of Glenn Sacks as an abuser because it came straight from the horse's mouth: “in reality, I have more power in the family now than I ever did when I was the family breadwinner. The most important issue in any marriage is deciding how to raise the children. While my wife is an equal partner in any major decision regarding the children, I supervise the children on a day to day basis and I make sure that things are done the way I want them done.”23
Whoa! What's going on here? Everyone knows that power and control issues are at the heart of domestic violence and look at the contradiction in his own statement: his wife is purportedly an "equal partner" yet Mr. Sacks "makes sure" that "things are done his way". This is the exact trap that domestic violence victims find themselves in: their husband or boyfriend TELLS them that they're equal partners but that's not the way it really IS so the wives and girlfriends believe that they're equally to blame for what goes wrong in their relationships when they don't have any real power in their relationships to begin with! Care to guess what happens to these women when they try to claim their "equal" status instead of just hearing about it?
“Last year I attended a school meeting with my wife, my son's elementary school teacher, and some school officials, most of whom knew that I drove my son to and from school, met with his teachers, and did his spelling words with him every day. Yet the woman who chaired the meeting introduced herself to my wife, began the meeting, and then, only as an afterthought, looked at me and said "and who might you be?"24
Mr. Sacks really needs to get over himself here: out of ALL the people he says know him to be so very hands-on with his son, one doesn't cater to his ego by immediately recognizing him and it becomes the slight of the year? And why wasn't he immediately recognized by his child’s teacher if he was so involved with his son? And what if his wife showed up at the parent teacher meeting with another man because Glenn couldn’t make it, you'd better believe that Mr. Sacks would have a fit if the teacher assumed that another man was the father of his children!
“Freeing up women to pursue their careers would take breadwinner pressure off men and allow them to spend more time with their children--a great benefit for families and society as a whole.”25 How can this be beneficial for the family or society? If being a breadwinner is suddenly too much pressure on men why does Mr. Sacks think that it should be solely forced upon women just because he can’t handle it?
“What my wife has had to accept is that her child insists on being comforted not by her but by ‘yaddy.’”26 There's another fine example of the egalitarian marriage of Glenn Sacks: his wife has had to accept which = NO CHOICE and no choice = victimization. Mr. Sacks is also expressing pride over something he should be ashamed over: favoritism in a family is NOT a sign of health or appropriate parenting and shows NO consideration for his wife's feelings. Being rejected and excluded from something you should be a part of feels bad, yet Mrs. Sacks simply has "to accept" the competitive family structure her husband's set up where it's a popularity contest between mom and dad. In this embarrassing account, "yaddy" scores a point and Mr. Sacks is so self-absorbed, he doesn't understand the pain that this has undoubtedly caused his wife (because he brags about it here). Congratulations on publicly humiliating and denigrating your wife, Mr. Sacks - nice victory... His little girl was 4+ years-old when he wrote this statement so I'd imagine she could say daddy (as well as Mommy) properly by this time or is this ANOTHER indication of something else not quite right in the Sacks family?
Even with Glenn Sacks in charge and at the helm of his oh-so-lucky family, his son was having even more trouble at school. It is quite obvious that Mr. Sacks' selfish and self-serving motives were only beneficial for him, not his wife and not his children.
Good dads don't need to brag about their accomplishments. They don't need to extol their own virtues and sing their own praises because OTHER PEOPLE do it for them. OTHER PEOPLE identify who truly good dads are, not self-proclaimers such as Glenn Sacks.
1 11/13/02 www.glennsacks.com/blog/?page_id=2180
2 04/27/04 www.hisside.com/42703.htm
4 www2.ucsc.edu/rape-prevention/statistics.htm. & Warshaw, Robin 1994
5 11/13/02 www.glennsacks.com/blog/?page_id=2180
6 11/13/02 www.glennsacks.com/blog/?page_id=2180
7 09/04/04 http://glennsacks.com/blog/?page_id=2457
9 05/12/01 www.glennsacks.com/is_pay_a.htm
10 05/22/02 www.glennsacks.com/stay_at_home.htm
12 05/12/01 www.glennsacks.com/ispaya.htm
13 05/12/01 www.glennsacks.com/is_pay_a.htm
14 06/01 www.glennsacks.com/father_care_the.htm
15 01/10/02 www.glennsacks.com/the_price_of.htm
16 04/15/02 www.glennsacks.com/boys_the_new.htm
17 04/15/02 www.glennsacks.com/boys_the_new.htm
18 01/10/02 www.glensacks.com/thepriceof.html
19 01/10/02 www.glennsacks.com/the_price_of.htm
20 04/15/02 www.glennsacks.com/boys_the_new.htm
21 04/15/02 www.glennsacks.com/boys_the_new.htm
22 05/27/01 www.glennsacks.com/why_im_no.htm
23 05/22/02 www.glennsacks.com/stayathome.htm
24 12/03/2002 www.glennsacks.com/stay_at_home.htm
25 12/03/2002 www.ifeminists.com/introduction/editorials/2002/1203a.html
26 02/23/04 www.glennsacks.com/california_NOW_spits.htm